


Miss You

by Sang_argente



Series: wincestmas 2017 [12]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Apologizes, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, Sam Winchester in Lucifer's Cage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 00:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sang_argente/pseuds/Sang_argente
Summary: "Hey Sammy, it's Dean. Just wanted to call and wish you a happy new year."





	Miss You

“Hey Sammy, it's Dean. Just wanted to call and wish you a happy new year. I know I missed Christmas. I'm sorry. I kept thinking about all the Christmases i wasted. I kept thinking about what I would do if you were here with me. I wanted to give you the cliché holiday shit you always I wanted. The big tree with all the shiny presents, baking cookies all night, singing those stupid songs. I'd give anything to be able to give that to you.

I just couldn't get past the fact that I couldn't. That there was something I couldn't manage do for you just because I wanted to. So I skipped out. I'm sorry. But I'm calling now. To wish you happy new year, to tell you I love you, to let you know I'll think about you for the rest of the year and the next and the next. 

I made some resolutions, too. I wanted to tell you about those. I'm gonna be a better person this year. I'm gonna listen when someone tries to explain. I'm gonna apologize, completely and sincerely, when I fuck up. I'm gonna say I love you more. I'm gonna cut back on the drinking, Sammy, I swear. I'm...I'm gonna do all the things I should've done for you. To start, I'm sorry I didn't do these things for you.

I'm sorry I didn't listen. I'm sorry I thought I knew better than you just because I'm older. I'm sorry I made you feel worthless and stupid by being that way. I'm sorry I never said I love you. Because I do, Sammy. I love you more than anything. More than pie, more than Baby, more than Mom. I love you so much. And I'm sorry I never told you that. I'm sorry I thought sex would be enough. 

It wasn't and I know that now because it's not the sex I miss. It's you. The way you bite your lip when you're reading, the way your voice sounds when you're speaking Latin, the way you brush your fingers against the sleeve of my jacket. I didn't appreciate those things. And I'm sorry about that, too.

Sammy, I'm just so damn sorry I can barely get the words out. And if you come back to me, by some miracle, I'll tell you all this again. I love you, Sammy. Goodbye.”

Dean ends the call and brings the phone down, staring at it as if it could give him the absolution he's so desperately craving. He sits there for a long moment, not even flinching when the door opens.

“Dean?” Lisa asks, standing in the door with the sounds of a party inside behind her. “You coming in?”

“Yeah,” Dean says gruffly. He wipes at his face roughly. “Yeah, I'll be in in a minute.”

**Author's Note:**

> this is part of wincestmas for sweetsammywincester on [tumblr.](http://delicatesammy.tumblr.com)


End file.
